A little personal stuff

In response of a comment left yesterday I do have to say that I do have great in-laws. I have to admit that I'm lucky that way. I'm not going to front and pretend it was all easy-breezy in the beginning. Because it wasn't. Rem's family are very traditional in many ways. There are a total of 7 siblings. Six boys and one girl of which Rem is the youngest. They all have kids, except for one.

Of course when Rem got divorced and came out of the closet it took the family a lot of getting used to. It's like you are rediscovering the person you thought you knew. I can understand that. When I came in the picture it was another hurdle to get over. I wasn't a new girlfriend, but a boyfriend. I wasn't even Hindustan, but black. Now, I wasn't outright rejected or disrespected or anything like that, but the vibe was strained. I'll be brutally honest and say that there were times that I just thought to myself that it would be easier to just break off the relationship and look for someone else who has less baggage. You gotta understand, that I'm a one-man type of guy. I always went from relationship to relationship instead of casual flings. And no, I don't do open relationships. I have many gay and straight friends who are very happy in those type of relationships, but it isn't for me. Ryan don't play that.
Also I've date people from different races (black, white, mixed, Asian) and of different ages and religions and I've come to the conclusion that I don't have a preference at all. If I like you, I like you and if I don't... well...buh-bye! As long as the food within your family is good! Hahaha! We've had many fights and arguments in the beginning and I was the one who was always ready to give up and break-up. Remesh wasn't having none of that! Damn, that man was persistant!

The turning point came after we were dating for a little less than a year. By that time I attended every birthday party, wedding, Diwali, Holi, Raksha Bandan and Lord knows what else of every family member! Remesh forced me to and forced his family to realize that I was now in his life and that I wasn't going anywhere.

His kids were cool with everything. His oldest son, Arun, really got attached to me and we did a lot of stuff together. Shayenne was more shy, but eventually she warmed up to me and now we are tight!

Mon, is Remesh' oldest brother and works at KLM Engineering & Maintenance. He is kind of the unofficial head of the family. People listen to him and tend to go to him for advice. One day he asked me to come over to his home in Papendrecht. He sat me down and talked to me one-on-one for almost two hours, without Remesh's knowledge. He asked me if I was in love with his brother and what I thought the future would look like. There was a lot more (private stuff), but I guess my answers satisfied him. He nodded, pulled me up from the sofa, gave me a huge bear hug and told me 'welkom in ons familie'.

Up to this day I don't know what happened or what was said, but the entire family welcomed me with open arms after that. Including my mother- and father-in-law (mai & bai). I am now even 'oom', 'kaka' and 'moussa' to his nieces and nephews. All words basically mean uncle.

Even with the kids mother I have a good relationship. She is happy with her new boyfriend and ex-wife and ex-husband both want happiness for each other.

I tend to participate in all family events, including the Hindu rituals. I do believe in God and I am Catholic and will always remain so. I just participate. Do I eat beef? Hell yeah! When cooking for Remesh, his family or kids, I respect their culture and make sure everything is beef-free. My parents do the same whenever Rem comes over for dinner. On my own I like my BK, McD's and beef tenderloin! A lot of things you can compromise on. Instead of spaghetti with ground beef, I use ground chicken or ground pork. That fake tofu meat.. Valess confusion... ain't for me. Blech!

I'm not naive. Of course they may be whispering behind our backs by some far family members. But that's their choice and there isn't anything I can do about it. But no one ever said anything negative in my face. Because I guess they all know that I'll give it back as hard as they give it to me. I don't mess around. I notice the older I get the bigger my mouth gets. I wasn't like that 10 years ago! Hahahaha!

Now of course the question that comes up the most is why we don't live together, get into a civil partnership or even get married. There are many reasons, but the most practical are:

• We both have houses we've bought. I have an apartment in Rotterdam and Rem has a family house in Papendrecht. That means you would have to sell one of them.
• The kids already went through their parents divorcing and we have to be 100% sure that it is what we want, before making that step.
• Papendrecht is not for me. I love the city life and it has convenient connections with public transportation to Schiphol/Amstelveen 24 hours per day. Papendrecht doesn't even have a trainstation (yet). And Sunday the village is dead. I can go to a supermarket here on Sundays. Just sayin'.
• Remesh loves the village life and hates city living, although he works for Unilever in Rotterdam. Also 99% of his family (including his ex-wife and kids) lives in Papendrecht. I don't mind the family thing, but Papendrecht? That ain't happening.
• Combining our finances will be hard for me to do. I was always so independant. I got that from my parents. They've been together for almost 33 years and have separate bank accounts and each have their own responsibilities to pay the monthly bills. Remesh is very old-fashioned and is one to have joint accounts and what not. Pfff... that will be a huge step for me! And it isn't even about the money, because he makes much more than me. It's in my head I guess. I am still gripping on independance. Is that a bad thing???
• My parents were together for 25 years before they got married in 2004. So marriage isn't in my head at all!
• Whenever we argue I can take my stuff and go home! Maybe it's the coward's way out, but I like that idea. Sharing everything with someone seems scary.

That being said, we hardly sleep alone. I'm either over there or he's over here. Like right now he's fast asleep in my bedroom. We even have clothing in each other's home. So for now it's good having a LAT-relationship. I do not feel as if I'm missing anything. Both of us have mutual friends, but we also have our own set of friends. As you may have read, we don't take every vacation together either! Sometimes he goes away with his kids, sometimes we go together, sometimes I go alone or with my friends. As long as we talk about it before we make concrete plans, I see no reason to change that.

I think I love Remesh, because he reminds me a lot of my Dad. He is quiet, very stable and dependable. Hmmm, sounds like a Volvo. OMG, hahahaha! But seriously, he does remind me of Dad. It's eerie how much they are alike. Now me... I am loud, rambunctious, am always on the go, very stubborn and with a very short temper. Remesh is stubborn as well, but very easygoing, a home body and just soccer and futsal as his hobby. Oh well... :-)

But anyway, back to yesterday. I bought myself a brown leather jacket in Beverwijk for a great price and after that I had a great time with my brother-in-laws in Den Haag at an Indian restaurant. Yum! They had great tandoori chicken! We stayed untill late talking a bunch of crap and laughing a lot. After that I drove home feeling carzy, sexy, cool in my...uhh... my bother's BMW. The power of that car! Ryan like!



Junior's Beamer. His pride & joy!

Kries, Dinish (Dino) & Mon enjoying coconut water in Suriname

Johan, Dino & Kries

Anand

Brother-in-laws doing some shopping in Sranan

Mon, Johan, Kries, Rem, Dino, Radjin, Anand & Rakesh (Mon's son) at paintball. Johan is married to rem's sister Rosalien

Kries & me at a family member b-day party sometime last year. Rem trying to force himself in the picture. Fail!

Again... I am lucky! Or they are lucky with me. However you want to look at it ;-)